The other day I recounted Quinn's birthstory to a friend. Play by play I pulled at my memory bank from (dare I say) almost a year ago. In one week exactly, it will have been a whole year. In one year we watched this tiny little dark haired human turn into a quite large, curly headed firecracker. I am sentimental to say the least. Genivieve is about to give birth to her own tiny, (probably dark haired) human and although I in no way wish to give birth again any time soon, I am ready to go through it with her. I told Isabella tonight that Quinn's birthday will be one in a week. She told me that she knew that and that then Zoey will be born. She then recounted exactly how she would hold Zoey, where she would sit, how they would lay together, and then told me that she remembered exactly how she held Quinn when she was born. In fact, Isabella told me tonight that she would like to see a baby be born. She actually asked if she could see my baby be born. I told her she'd have to wait a while on that one. She also told me that she remembers when she was in my belly. I asked her what it was like in there and she said "Well, there was a lot of water because you know, Quinn was floating in water when she was in your belly. And there was blood in there too, because your body is full of blood. So when she came out, she had that on her. And she had some white stuff on her too. To protect her skin."
I asked her what that "white stuff" was called and started the beginning sound for her, and she finished it with "Vernix! It's called vernix!"
Then I told her that she should grow up, become a midwife, and catch babies. And make her mama happy. She said 'okay.'
She also told me that maybe I could get a movie that shows a baby being born and she could watch it. "I would like to watch a movie like that," she said.
I had a slight panic attach a few weeks back when I was searching for Quinn's birthstory. I thought I had saved it in my email account and was not feeling good when I couldn't find it, knowing that the computer that I wrote it on is currently destroyed. But, alas, I found it. And now I am documenting it here. On the internet. Which means it will always be here. Hooray. Honestly though, I have to save it somewhere else to, because I'm not gonna lie, there will be some editing here in the blogosphere. You're welcome.
So in celebration of 'one week until my baby turns one,' Here it is:
Quinn Avery: Born at home on July 6, 2010 at 4:16am. 8lbs. 3oz, 21 in long.
I was originally due on June 22...give or take a few days because we weren't 100% sure of our dates. But by our 15 wk ultrasound, they confirmed a due date "around" that time. Well June 22 came and went, as well as the whole month of June. So we thought "4th of July".... which also came and went. My midwife Emily, wasn't concerned at all seeing as Isabella and Declan were both late babies and everything with Quinn was going great. We went to the midwife on July 2nd and made the decision that if she wasn't born by Monday, we'd maybe try some natural inductions and if she wasn't born by Thursday, we'd go for a biophysical ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay (at that point I would have been 42 wks and 2 days). On Saturday, the 3rd, I took some homeopathic black and blue cohosh, but it didn't do anything. On Sunday, the 4th, I tried the black/blue cohosh tincture in addition to walking up an enormous hill to see the fireworks and to no avail....Some contractions but nothing consistent. So on Monday, the 5th, we called Emily at around 10:30am and she told us to go ahead and start taking the cotton root which should intensify contractions and make them more consistent. I was supposed to take it every 15 min for 1-2 hrs and just see how it worked. So we figured we'd give it a try. I was so ready to have a baby! Around 11:30 am, I started the tincture (eww!) and Ryan "served" it up to me every 15 min. My contractions were coming anywhere from 15-45 min apart, but definitly bearable. Mom and I decided to take the kids to Costco for some last minute things and to walk around and hopefully get things moving. I was going to stop the tincture at that time, but since my contractions were still coming, I decided to keep taking it. So me, and my little vial, and my cup of water, went into Costco and continued to work on the labor. In the store, Emily called to check on progress. I gave her a report and told her that my strongest contractions happened when I was sitting, so she told me to sit! I needed to be in the most productive position. Shortly after, I took Isabella to the bathroom, sat down, and had a very strong contraction. So we headed home so I could bounce on the yoga ball and continue to keep things moving. At this point we figured I was definitly in early labor.
I talked to Emily again around 6, after sitting on the ball for almost 2 hrs, and told her that my contractions had moved from about 10 min apart to 7 min apart, but not terribly strong at this point. I wanted to move around though and make sure that I could keep labor going in different positions. I took a bath--me and the contraction master--clicking away. Then Kelly came over and kept track for awhile. At this point I was anywhere from 5-7 min apart--still bearable. I talked to Emily again because she wanted to make sure that I would know when I was transistioning and give her enough time to get here since she was an hour away. I told her that I had a very distinct feeling when I was in transition and that I would most definitly know and give her a heads up. I also assured her that although my pushing time was short, my transition time was long, so we felt confident she'd be here in time. The evening continued this way. Gen was here to stay the night, as well as mom and Kelly. Kate decided to stay too so Ryan left with the kids, at around 9pm to go pick her up and hope that the kids would fall asleep in route. Kelly kept timing my contractions which had moved to 3-5 min apart. Bearable, but I was becoming quiet in between. I wanted to walk, but eventually had to stop during a contraction and lean on the island. Around 9:30 I had some painful contractions and needed Ryan. I went into the room to call him and he was almost home. I told him that I was getting to that place and I needed him here. When he got home, he gave me some positive affirmations because I was starting to get nervous. I had a rough contraction...they were now 3 min apart and I told him that he better check in with Emily. He called and told her the status, to which she was surprised, and said she was on her way. I continued to labor walking around the house, stopping to lean on the island with each contraction. At this point, the kids were in bed, lights were very dim or completely off, and everyone else stood around quietly. By 10-10:30, I was having to lean over Ryan during a contraction and I needed him by me at all times. I was very aware still of things around me, but my eyes went shut, and they stayed that way the remainder of labor and delivery. By 11, I was laying on my side, very tired already, in the bed, shivering like crazy. A good sign, but I was so uncomfortable. Ryan or my mom sat in front of me and I would hold their hands and then I needed zero touch during a contraction, so I'd let go. I labored like this for about 30-45 min because I couldn't stop shaking. At this time, Emily and her two assistants simutaneously showed up. I knew of their prescence, but didn't speak or make any eye contact. Emily encouraged me to sit and see how that moved things along. I did that and felt horrible pressure during contractions but I felt also that it was very productive. I was ready to get up after the first 2 contractions, but Ryan persuaded me to stay for at least 2 more and then promised to help my lay down. I did that, layed down---at this point, falling asleep between contractions--and then decided to try the tub for a while. The tub was okay...didn't offer any relief and I couldn't get comfortable, so I got back out and back to my side in bed. I had thrown up just prior to getting into the tub, so I knew that was a good sign for me. At this point, I had no concept of time. I refused to look at a clock or ask for the time. I have had two extremely long labors and I figured it best to not have a concept. I then decided that I'd like to go outside (don't ask me why!) So Ryan and I went out onto the deck. I sat down, continuing to moan through my contractions. My uterus hurt so badly that in order to force myself to breath through a contraction, I had to moan with the acceleration and deceleration of every contraction. Sometimes way louder than others, but it was the only thing that got me through each wave. While on the deck, I needed to go to the bathroom, so we went back in. Midwives and family were all still huddled in the kitchen, completely quiet, completely dark, and Ryan took me to the bathroom....the WRONG bathroom...the HALL bathroom--small and totally dark and totally HOT! I used the bathroom, got up to hang on Ryan during a contraction and then just lost it again...throwing up, but luckily into the sink. We left the bathroom, back outside, which didn't last long, and then back to the bedroom. Ryan really wanted me to sit on the birthing stool. Let me tell you how I hate birthing stools. I used one with Declan...it was the only thing that kept me progressing, but oh how it hurts. He talked me into it, knowing how it worked for me last time and I sat there, Ryan on one side, mom on the other and thought that I would never ever get through this labor. Contractions were rough on the birthing stool but undeniably, they felt more progressive. At this point I told Ryan that I needed to know how close I was. I was so afraid to know, but I wanted to know. He went out and told Emily that I wanted to be checked. At this point I'm thinking it was coming up on 3am. Emily came in to check me, I had laid down on the bed and went through a few bouts of falling asleep/having contractions before I finally acknowledged she was there and gave her the okay to check me. At this point, I had only been checked once before, at 41 wks and was 2 cm 50% effaced. So I was VERY nervous. I prepped myself big time and told myself that she would definitly say I was at a 7. That would be devastating to me, but I was ready. So she checked. Said "okay Jessica, you're doing great, really great. You are at a 9, just a lip of cervix, but your water is still intact. My body transformed. I felt this feeling of everything seeping out of me--almost literally a rush fall from my head to my toes. I was 9 cm dilated and that meant I was ready to work HARD(ER)! So I wanted to get back in tub. I got back in and squatted through my contractions and felt productive. I was worried that my water wasn't broken. Worried that it would hold up my delivery. With my other two babies, my water was broken from the start. I had never been on this side before. I was nervous. Ryan held onto my hands to help steady me. I sprayed my belly with hot water in between contractions and when one started I lifted my finger and Ryan, my psychic hero, would immediatly turn off the water. Let me just say how in tune he was to me. I never spoke a word, never cracked an eyelid and never felt the need. I had 110% trust in him and his ability to read me and know exactly what I wanted when I wanted it. Absolutely amazing is all I can say. So I had a contraction and the urge to push hit me at the end of it like I'll never forget. I moaned and said "I have to push!" Ryan, mom, Gen, all calmly said "okay" and I not calmly said "well go get someone!" Ryan jumped to get Emily, who was already on her way in, and she sat down in front of me and very calmly said to just keep breathing through. I said that I felt like pushing and she said "okay, just listen to your body." I, surprised, said "well, don't you need to check?" and she said "no, just listen to your body." I had another contraction, felt an urge to push and POP--I yelled, yes, I did, and Emily said "it's okay, it's okay, your water just broke." So I thought, "oh yeah, it's go time." She held the flashlight under me during contractions to see but I just couldn't relax in the tub. I wanted a water birth, but at that point I knew it wasn't right for me, in this situation. So I said "I need to get out" and everyone jumped up, said "Okay!" and all my supports helped me out, dried me off, and I moved to the bed. I laid on my side through a few contractions but was losing that pushy feeling, so I knew I needed to move. I asked if I could go back to the toilet...productive like the stool, but not as painful and uncomfortable. My eyes were still closed, but I know everyone in the room was thinking "are you nuts?!" And so Emily in her ever so sweet way said, "well you could, but you may have a baby in the toilet." So I took that as a positive thing...I must be THAT close, and decided to go up on my knees instead. Same way that I had Declan, arms on the headboard, and gravity will take it's course. I got up and had a few more contractions but I was not happy with my pushing. I knew it wasn't right. I pushed a few times and then felt her head drop down. I knew we were close and I could completely feel her crowning, but i felt like she was taking forever to get out. I continued to push and felt her head come down, her body begin to come down and then stop. I heard Emily tell her student to just move the cord down over her shoulder, so I knew it may have been in the wrong place. But regardless she was hanging there and I not so calmly said "GET HER OUT!" So another push, out she came, down I went and into my arms I held my sweet baby girl for the first time. Kissed those white, vernixy lips and just held her with the feeling of utter accomplishment, happiness, relief and absolute joy that after 10 months she was here. Pregnancy was over and I had my baby. She was breathing, beautiful, warm, alert, sweet, soft, and out! The rest is just the rest. Everyone that I love most around me. Ryan crouched in front of me, Mom and Gen--who have now seen all three of my children be born and have been labor supports in an amazing way each time. Kate, who swore she'd never see a birth, perched in the background crying, and my other two babies upstairs with Kelly at 4:15 in the morning dancing and singing like crazy in an attempt to block out my yelling at the final stage. AND I was in my bed, in my house, with my things, my people, my own comfort and I never thought this would be me. It was a dream, not a reality and now...it was real. I delivered the placenta, which was casually wrapped up and placed beside us as Quinn nursed away, very strongly and in a very confident way. Later, Ryan brought Isabella in. She knew she had a surprise waiting for her downstairs. She came in , bed head, tank top falling off her shoulders, insanly tired eyes, and the biggest, proudest grin on her face, because she knew right then that "her baby" was here. She climbed in bed beside me, held her naked little sister and hasn't stopped smiling. Next, Declan came in, once he was done in the kitchen, flirting with the midwives, totally unaware, and honestly, not interested in coming over to the bed, and then caught sight of her. "Mommy! Baby!" *points to my stomach* and he realizes, oh, she's out and I'm sure confusion set in, but he humored me for a second, climbed in bed, gave me a kiss, touched Quinn, and turned back to Gen and said "Nen!" and pointed her back out to the kitchen.
I talked to Emily again around 6, after sitting on the ball for almost 2 hrs, and told her that my contractions had moved from about 10 min apart to 7 min apart, but not terribly strong at this point. I wanted to move around though and make sure that I could keep labor going in different positions. I took a bath--me and the contraction master--clicking away. Then Kelly came over and kept track for awhile. At this point I was anywhere from 5-7 min apart--still bearable. I talked to Emily again because she wanted to make sure that I would know when I was transistioning and give her enough time to get here since she was an hour away. I told her that I had a very distinct feeling when I was in transition and that I would most definitly know and give her a heads up. I also assured her that although my pushing time was short, my transition time was long, so we felt confident she'd be here in time. The evening continued this way. Gen was here to stay the night, as well as mom and Kelly. Kate decided to stay too so Ryan left with the kids, at around 9pm to go pick her up and hope that the kids would fall asleep in route. Kelly kept timing my contractions which had moved to 3-5 min apart. Bearable, but I was becoming quiet in between. I wanted to walk, but eventually had to stop during a contraction and lean on the island. Around 9:30 I had some painful contractions and needed Ryan. I went into the room to call him and he was almost home. I told him that I was getting to that place and I needed him here. When he got home, he gave me some positive affirmations because I was starting to get nervous. I had a rough contraction...they were now 3 min apart and I told him that he better check in with Emily. He called and told her the status, to which she was surprised, and said she was on her way. I continued to labor walking around the house, stopping to lean on the island with each contraction. At this point, the kids were in bed, lights were very dim or completely off, and everyone else stood around quietly. By 10-10:30, I was having to lean over Ryan during a contraction and I needed him by me at all times. I was very aware still of things around me, but my eyes went shut, and they stayed that way the remainder of labor and delivery. By 11, I was laying on my side, very tired already, in the bed, shivering like crazy. A good sign, but I was so uncomfortable. Ryan or my mom sat in front of me and I would hold their hands and then I needed zero touch during a contraction, so I'd let go. I labored like this for about 30-45 min because I couldn't stop shaking. At this time, Emily and her two assistants simutaneously showed up. I knew of their prescence, but didn't speak or make any eye contact. Emily encouraged me to sit and see how that moved things along. I did that and felt horrible pressure during contractions but I felt also that it was very productive. I was ready to get up after the first 2 contractions, but Ryan persuaded me to stay for at least 2 more and then promised to help my lay down. I did that, layed down---at this point, falling asleep between contractions--and then decided to try the tub for a while. The tub was okay...didn't offer any relief and I couldn't get comfortable, so I got back out and back to my side in bed. I had thrown up just prior to getting into the tub, so I knew that was a good sign for me. At this point, I had no concept of time. I refused to look at a clock or ask for the time. I have had two extremely long labors and I figured it best to not have a concept. I then decided that I'd like to go outside (don't ask me why!) So Ryan and I went out onto the deck. I sat down, continuing to moan through my contractions. My uterus hurt so badly that in order to force myself to breath through a contraction, I had to moan with the acceleration and deceleration of every contraction. Sometimes way louder than others, but it was the only thing that got me through each wave. While on the deck, I needed to go to the bathroom, so we went back in. Midwives and family were all still huddled in the kitchen, completely quiet, completely dark, and Ryan took me to the bathroom....the WRONG bathroom...the HALL bathroom--small and totally dark and totally HOT! I used the bathroom, got up to hang on Ryan during a contraction and then just lost it again...throwing up, but luckily into the sink. We left the bathroom, back outside, which didn't last long, and then back to the bedroom. Ryan really wanted me to sit on the birthing stool. Let me tell you how I hate birthing stools. I used one with Declan...it was the only thing that kept me progressing, but oh how it hurts. He talked me into it, knowing how it worked for me last time and I sat there, Ryan on one side, mom on the other and thought that I would never ever get through this labor. Contractions were rough on the birthing stool but undeniably, they felt more progressive. At this point I told Ryan that I needed to know how close I was. I was so afraid to know, but I wanted to know. He went out and told Emily that I wanted to be checked. At this point I'm thinking it was coming up on 3am. Emily came in to check me, I had laid down on the bed and went through a few bouts of falling asleep/having contractions before I finally acknowledged she was there and gave her the okay to check me. At this point, I had only been checked once before, at 41 wks and was 2 cm 50% effaced. So I was VERY nervous. I prepped myself big time and told myself that she would definitly say I was at a 7. That would be devastating to me, but I was ready. So she checked. Said "okay Jessica, you're doing great, really great. You are at a 9, just a lip of cervix, but your water is still intact. My body transformed. I felt this feeling of everything seeping out of me--almost literally a rush fall from my head to my toes. I was 9 cm dilated and that meant I was ready to work HARD(ER)! So I wanted to get back in tub. I got back in and squatted through my contractions and felt productive. I was worried that my water wasn't broken. Worried that it would hold up my delivery. With my other two babies, my water was broken from the start. I had never been on this side before. I was nervous. Ryan held onto my hands to help steady me. I sprayed my belly with hot water in between contractions and when one started I lifted my finger and Ryan, my psychic hero, would immediatly turn off the water. Let me just say how in tune he was to me. I never spoke a word, never cracked an eyelid and never felt the need. I had 110% trust in him and his ability to read me and know exactly what I wanted when I wanted it. Absolutely amazing is all I can say. So I had a contraction and the urge to push hit me at the end of it like I'll never forget. I moaned and said "I have to push!" Ryan, mom, Gen, all calmly said "okay" and I not calmly said "well go get someone!" Ryan jumped to get Emily, who was already on her way in, and she sat down in front of me and very calmly said to just keep breathing through. I said that I felt like pushing and she said "okay, just listen to your body." I, surprised, said "well, don't you need to check?" and she said "no, just listen to your body." I had another contraction, felt an urge to push and POP--I yelled, yes, I did, and Emily said "it's okay, it's okay, your water just broke." So I thought, "oh yeah, it's go time." She held the flashlight under me during contractions to see but I just couldn't relax in the tub. I wanted a water birth, but at that point I knew it wasn't right for me, in this situation. So I said "I need to get out" and everyone jumped up, said "Okay!" and all my supports helped me out, dried me off, and I moved to the bed. I laid on my side through a few contractions but was losing that pushy feeling, so I knew I needed to move. I asked if I could go back to the toilet...productive like the stool, but not as painful and uncomfortable. My eyes were still closed, but I know everyone in the room was thinking "are you nuts?!" And so Emily in her ever so sweet way said, "well you could, but you may have a baby in the toilet." So I took that as a positive thing...I must be THAT close, and decided to go up on my knees instead. Same way that I had Declan, arms on the headboard, and gravity will take it's course. I got up and had a few more contractions but I was not happy with my pushing. I knew it wasn't right. I pushed a few times and then felt her head drop down. I knew we were close and I could completely feel her crowning, but i felt like she was taking forever to get out. I continued to push and felt her head come down, her body begin to come down and then stop. I heard Emily tell her student to just move the cord down over her shoulder, so I knew it may have been in the wrong place. But regardless she was hanging there and I not so calmly said "GET HER OUT!" So another push, out she came, down I went and into my arms I held my sweet baby girl for the first time. Kissed those white, vernixy lips and just held her with the feeling of utter accomplishment, happiness, relief and absolute joy that after 10 months she was here. Pregnancy was over and I had my baby. She was breathing, beautiful, warm, alert, sweet, soft, and out! The rest is just the rest. Everyone that I love most around me. Ryan crouched in front of me, Mom and Gen--who have now seen all three of my children be born and have been labor supports in an amazing way each time. Kate, who swore she'd never see a birth, perched in the background crying, and my other two babies upstairs with Kelly at 4:15 in the morning dancing and singing like crazy in an attempt to block out my yelling at the final stage. AND I was in my bed, in my house, with my things, my people, my own comfort and I never thought this would be me. It was a dream, not a reality and now...it was real. I delivered the placenta, which was casually wrapped up and placed beside us as Quinn nursed away, very strongly and in a very confident way. Later, Ryan brought Isabella in. She knew she had a surprise waiting for her downstairs. She came in , bed head, tank top falling off her shoulders, insanly tired eyes, and the biggest, proudest grin on her face, because she knew right then that "her baby" was here. She climbed in bed beside me, held her naked little sister and hasn't stopped smiling. Next, Declan came in, once he was done in the kitchen, flirting with the midwives, totally unaware, and honestly, not interested in coming over to the bed, and then caught sight of her. "Mommy! Baby!" *points to my stomach* and he realizes, oh, she's out and I'm sure confusion set in, but he humored me for a second, climbed in bed, gave me a kiss, touched Quinn, and turned back to Gen and said "Nen!" and pointed her back out to the kitchen.
So my 8 lb bundle of bliss was born in this home 4 days ago and hasn't left it yet. She's been nursed numerous times, slept numerous times, and given us the best grins, in the very bed she was born in. How amazing is that? And now, sadly....I can't get rid of this bed---darn.
Quinn is peace. She is quiet. She is content. She is happy and will lay with Isabella forever, cuddled against a three year old's body, like it's her mommy. Declan holds her and rubs her belly, pats her head, "baby, baby, baby" and then scoops his hands under her and says "done" and she's back in another's arms. She nurses like it's something she's been doing for 10 months. She lays and looks at you, looks around, looks at her hands, kicks her feet...and she's only been out here for 4 days. That's it. Not even a week and she's amazing, and I could never live without her, and I don't know how I couldn't know how much I could love another little baby. A home birth suited her. It suited us. Everyone here in tune to everyone else. Quiet, peaceful, energy pulsing in the most relaxing way, but so present. And then life comes to life and we now start this journey of raising a baby all over again. Sleepless nights that just don't matter. Dirty diapers that are cute. Feedings that go on and on and time stands still. Rocking at 3am and not once thinking about the sleep that you're missing. That's the miracle of birth. And the miracle of a homebirth makes it just a little sweeter.
Quinn is peace. She is quiet. She is content. She is happy and will lay with Isabella forever, cuddled against a three year old's body, like it's her mommy. Declan holds her and rubs her belly, pats her head, "baby, baby, baby" and then scoops his hands under her and says "done" and she's back in another's arms. She nurses like it's something she's been doing for 10 months. She lays and looks at you, looks around, looks at her hands, kicks her feet...and she's only been out here for 4 days. That's it. Not even a week and she's amazing, and I could never live without her, and I don't know how I couldn't know how much I could love another little baby. A home birth suited her. It suited us. Everyone here in tune to everyone else. Quiet, peaceful, energy pulsing in the most relaxing way, but so present. And then life comes to life and we now start this journey of raising a baby all over again. Sleepless nights that just don't matter. Dirty diapers that are cute. Feedings that go on and on and time stands still. Rocking at 3am and not once thinking about the sleep that you're missing. That's the miracle of birth. And the miracle of a homebirth makes it just a little sweeter.
Makes me cry even now. Almost a year later. Almost a year ago, I had one of the most amazing days of my life. The day she was born. The day that she went from the inside world to the outside world. The day she changed us all. For now, she's still our baby. Our sweet, happy, screeching, all-over-the-place, gap-toothed, curly headed, loveable Quinn.
i love birth stories. very well written. i posted levi's awhile back on our personal page.
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