Together

A strange thing seems to happen once you have kids.  They begin to feel like appendages in the sense that, if one of them isn't with you, you totally feel like you're missing something.  Not just anything, but something. Like, something really important. Like an appendage. 
I remember the first time I went somewhere without Isabella.  She was a few months old and I was running to the grocery store.  I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw her empty carseat and about had a panic attack. I hadn't even left the neighborhood yet.

Now, don't get me wrong, somedays I long for peace, for quiet, and for no one to be touching me or calling my name.  Granted, when it happens, a new feeling springs forth and it's always different from what I expected.  Tonight, Ryan and I were out running some errands with Quinn and Declan. Isabella was at my mom's.  We still had two out of three attached to our hips, but it just felt strange.  We felt strange, Declan felt strange, and I'm pretty sure Quinn was ticked that her 'hand-holder' was missing from the seat beside her. 

Declan fell asleep when we got home and Ryan put him in bed. About a half hour later, we heard him coming downstairs. He was all out of sorts, crying and saying he wanted to go back upstairs.  Yes, big question mark over my head too... Anyway, I took him back up, changed him into his pajamas and he looked at me with his groggy eyes and said "where Bella mommy?"  I told him that she was still with Mia and he burst into tears "I want Bella! Bring her back to me! I want Bella now!"  That went on for quite a while.  I don't know if he just totally felt weird without her, if he missed his sleeping buddy, or if he just wanted the comfort of his big sister. But whatever it was, there lay my heart in a melted puddle on the floor.

The dynamic between these three amazes me and confuses the heck out of me.  They are loving each other to pieces one minute, biting the next, and holding hands shortly after.  Declan was all cuddled up to Isabella the other morning because he hadn't quite woken up yet and he thought she was me.  He was hugging her, kissing her, loving her, all with his eyes still closed. And Isabella was in heaven.  Later, when he woke up, she told him what he did and he just grinned at her and said "I was hugging you because you my best friend. Want to hold my hand? We best friends." To which she replied, "Yes, you're my best friend. But you just thought I was mommy."

I think we're all thankful for breaks from each other. We're all thankful for one on one time with each child, or even with two of them.  They need it and we need it as well.  But at the end of the day, everyone wants everyone back together, right where we all belong.