Genivieve called me last Thursday as she was headed to her doctor's appointment. Okay, we'll be honest. She called me because she was frantically searching for her car keys, late for her appointment, desperately seeking out a place to look that she just hadn't thought of yet. I didn't have any new ideas, but I just tried to talk her down a little. She finally found them and headed off to her appointment with directions from me to call when it was over and let me know that she was almost ready. A girl can hope, right?
I was ready for her to have this baby. My neice. Her daughter. But I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous. I've never been to a birth besides my own. And the one other that I made it to, after the baby was born (almost in the car...) was Kelly's, and I about died from the migraine that ensued upon seeing her fall to her knees on mom's kitchen floor as her transistion hit her like a ton of bricks. I knew what to expect because I knew that Genivieve and Hass wanted a natural child birth. I knew they planned to be in a birth center. I knew they planned to have no interventions. I knew that they were commited to giving their baby the best start. I also knew that things don't always go as planned.
Genivieve called me about an hour later, in tears, voice trembling and I knew something was not good. I was worried. Scared even. I said "Gen, what's wrong?" and through tears she told me that her water had broken during her check-up and there was a little meconium and she was stuck. In the hosptial, not the birthing center. No laboring at home like she wanted. No hot tub, no avoidance of fetal monitoring, time frames to stick to, rules to adhere to and stress that was far from needed.
Ryan came home, Kelly came over to help, and mom and I headed to Norfolk. I had my doubts, my fears, and my concerns, but I kept reminding myself that it was going to be okay. No matter what, Gen would be holding her baby soon. She would do the best for her baby and I knew that. We got to the hospital around 8pm to Genivieve and Hass ready to have a baby. Ready, but not ready. I knew we were in for a long night. But I also kept replaying my first 'not planned' birth. I didn't experience the things I had planned on, just like Gen. My water broke and I never went into labor, just like Gen. I was where I didn't want to be, just like Gen. I was experiencing pressure from people I didn't want pressure from, just like Gen. But I had the natural birth I wanted, and in the end, got exactly what I wanted, just like Gen.
Ryan and Kelly and the kids followed behind us, planning to stay nearby just so that they could be there with Quinn and I would be close enough that I could leave to nurse her. Kelly and Ryan did a lot for us to make this work. A lot for me. I have never left any of my kids. I couldn't leave Quinn, especially. I knew I could leave her, but I didn't want to. I'm not ready to. She still needs me in a way that I have to be there for her. So Ryan and Kelly and all four kids were close so that Quinn could be close so that I could be there for her and for Gen. I left the hospital at midnight to meet up with Ryan and Kelly and to nurse Quinn before going back to the hospital for the night. I was so proud of Isabella and Declan. They knew where I needed to be. And they, my little four and two year old, were supportive of that. I can barely go to the grocery store without tears, begging, pleading, and physically peeling them off of me. But this weekend, they knew. They knew Gen needed me more than they did, and they let me go. It was more perfect than I could have ever expected.
It was a hard, long labor. Genivieve never budged with her expectations. She was determined, strong, and faithful. She never thought of giving up, mentioned giving in, or considered letting go. She had a little baby that she was working for, and as she worked through contractions, holding her big belly for the last times, she was determined to meet her little girl. As the sun started to come up, we knew she was ready. Mom, Hass, and I looked at each other. Gen looked at us, and we knew it was time. At 6am, Genivieve's eyes locked with mine as tears were streaming down my face. The midwife was talking to her about pushing and I was staring at her face and her eyes were staring at mine and I knew she had done it. Crossed over to that place. The place where you go from 'I think I know what it's like to love another human more than anything else in the world' to 'I do love another human more than anything in this world and nothing in this world will ever stop me from doing everything I can to make her happy.' She was there. And 12 minutes later, she was here. I've never seen a baby be born, aside from my own, and I didn't realize how different and the same it would be. I knew how she felt. I could feel every contraction she had, every time her body shook, every time she threw up, every time her eyes begged for someone to take the pain away, I felt it.
So Zoey is here and she is as perfect as I thought she'd be. All seven and a half pounds of her. Seven pounds of pure, amazing, perfect-ness. I remember all the moments leading up to her arrival and I will never forget the wonderful chance that she was given as she entered the world in a natural, loving, pure way.
That day we spent some time with the kids visiting the beach, eating pizza and ice cream, and just appreciating life.
Ryan and Kelly left with Isabella, Declan, and Eleanor around 9:30 that night and Quinn stayed with mom and I. We got some rest that night and prepared for the new family to come home. We planned to leave that afternoon, but decided to stay one more day. I was nervous. I felt okay the night before, because I knew that they had fallen asleep on the way home and Ryan just moved them straight to our bed for the rest of the night. Isabella got upset once when I talked to her on the phone and she realized I wasn't "almost home," but I was worried about another day. Another day when we didn't see eachother, a night that they would go to bed without me, and another morning where they would wake up beside one parent, not the other. Sounds dramatic, huh? But in four years, if it hasn't been done, it is kind of dramatic. But I also felt good about it. I felt good that Ryan was so confident that they were okay. That they sounded happy and content and that all those moments when I wished for a moment to myself, the moment was here. Okay, well I still had one third of the children with me, but any number less than three, makes a big difference!
When the weekend was over I was glad that it was as successful as it was. It couldn't have happened any more perfectly and although I'd prefer my new neice to live next door, or at least maybe like 10 minutes away, I am happy to have seen her first breath. The moment her parents touched her for the first time. The look on her daddy's face when he realized how proud he really was. And the eyes of her mom, my sister, my best friend, when she saw the one person that would forever change her life. Zoey is beautiful. She is perfect. She is happy and content. And she is loved. So very loved. More than she'll ever know.
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